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(no subject) [Dec. 4th, 2006|07:00 pm]
paganzer
Matthew Pagano

If I could have anything at all in the world, it would be an obscenely large amount of money. I couldn’t decide if this response would be the most common or the most avoided as people tried to aim for broader, noble sounding desires like “love” and “happiness” and such. Most people’s counterpoint to my (or anyone else) saying they’d take money over anything else is that you “can’t buy happiness.” It is true, strictly speaking, and it is also true that many people who, say, win the lottery for example, end up dying in drunk driving accidents and suicides soon afterwards, so it isn’t silly to say that not everyone, or not most should have huge sums of money. As a man of more meager means than ideals, however, I like to think that having bottomless pockets would open doors I can never really have on my own, in my current circumstances.
Why money? A great mind once pointed out that “money will take you where you want to go, but never remove you as the driver” and I hold that to be very true. Money, unearned (which in my case it would be, I can’t do anything work billions of dollars at the moment) is a neutral tool, like a hammer or a tire-iron it can be used to good or evil, the power is (or at least appears to be) in the hands of the operator. It is, however, the greatest tool of all in a free society, since it can be translated into literally anything, from a garden to political influence, to a yacht with which to sail. But, getting back to why money is not a bad idea for my selection, I can reasonably imagine a lot of sound, joyous things I could do to make my life better with it that don’t ingesting an unhealthy amount of chemicals. I’d imagine a number of conservative homes in various locales like the Florida Keys and Tahiti in which I’d catch up on a lot of overdue personal reading, watching the world from far away with only disinterested, academic interest while I soaked up unspeakably gorgeous surroundings. I’d donate some to various political institutes and parties I’d like to see with a stronger leg to stand on and see how they take shape and I’d fund young students and perhaps found a university with my name plastered everywhere. After a time I’d probably devolve into spending my money on the most passing and disgustingly opulent displays of gaudy wealth, as many rocketed above their class status often do. The beauty of having a Bill Gates-esque level of wealth though is that it is a blank slate, it allows for absolute freedom afforded only to the super-rich and can be an enabler to do great amounts of good, but more importantly could provide sources of joy and amusement for myself before dying, hopefully far, far into the future as I’d be getting the absolute best medical coverage possible. I could run for political office, or continue life as a loner. I could drink it all in or let it all pass by, the choice would be mine, and it would be that choice, that absolute superiority over my own life that would really be the thing beyond price, but ironically enabled only by money itself.
Looking at life as I do, money is the greatest thing I could ask for; I have less need as I grow older for other people, and those that I will need will be attracted by my great wealth. My greatest needs (that I can envision)- those of a huge amount of free time, pleasant surroundings, and ample reading materials are those that can be best fulfilled with money, and as such I feel that picking it is the most prudent choice.



Matthew Pagano

To describe my social interaction, I chose 5 words from the text in class on November 2nd. My selections were the verb “analyze, coordinates, criticizes, retreats, and withdraws.” Of the words listed I felt that they best represented the actions I tend to cycle through when I meet new people. As the words show, my responses vary a fair bit and really which they are depends on what kind of people they are, the surroundings, and a whole host of different variables that complicate things. This of course reminds me why I find general questionnaires like this one to be very inaccurate, in the right circumstances anyone would react in these ways (or perhaps it’s more of a commentary on the lack of free will?).
I was, however, surprised to see my selections being rated as having “low sociability” for 4 of my 5 choices since I wouldn’t really use those words (or anything approaching them) in any self-description I might write. At first I wondered if this was some epochal self-discovery about that I owed our trusty text, but upon further inspection I couldn’t help but conclude that it was just far, far too small a sample of words to make any real kind of objective determination from. To me, for example, “analyzes” is understood as something that implies conversing with others and coming to learn more about them, and hence having more to analyze. For the writers of the text though, I’d venture that “analyzes” would mean to withdraw and passively watch others and
”analyze” from that. The texts naming me as equally high and low on the scale of dominance doesn’t strike me as incorrect though.
In short, my only real conclusion can be that the test is rather faulty; it seems that the idea is to have the person taking it accidentally pick telling words about themselves, so perhaps the fault really lies with my selection. That, or I’m in deep, deep denial.
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Dance Party [Sep. 14th, 2005|04:07 pm]
paganzer

You can't spell F-U-N without U-N-F.

In other news, the managing editor of our school newspaper, The Spinnaker, hung himself in his office the other day.

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I Have About 10 Bucks on Me [Sep. 12th, 2005|12:54 am]
paganzer
[mood |uncomfortableuncomfortable]
[music |The Appleseed Cast- Marigold & Patchwork]

I'm starting to wonder how many people I'll have to sift through before I find people like me here, or if possibly I never will. Out of 15,000 at a second-rate institution like this, it's certainly very probable that there isn't a single rational woman who isn't a whore or a few straight thinking guys who are really worth spending a great portion of my time with. I've been feeling very alone lately in a number of ways and despite all the time I've spent trying to reconcile myself with it an increasing spectre of.....uneasiness I suppose has been encroaching into my thoughts, my general outlook and sense of life. The best I can see it's the realization in the back of my mind that with every day that goes by Atlantis is sinking into the depths of the sea, which is to say, that my friends that I miss, possibly my last chance to be happy in the short and intermediate term through the rest of my teens and into my twenties are slowly dissolving. I can't say how long it is until we don't talk even on a weekly basis anymore and I'm trying not to think about it.

Despite my best attempts, I have yet to find one truly sound person here, somebody I can talk really freely with. I've found people that know a suprising amount about literature and such, and it's nice talking to them but....I know they won't and can't be close friends, by virtue of their basic personalities. I haven't totally given up yet, but according to the general direction of my feelings here I have no real reason to be optimistic. Transferring at the end of the year sounds good right about now.

My Criticisms of UNF thus far:

-There's this general sense in the air; and believe me, I realize that by the vagueness of this statement that no one can really take fault for this, but there's this general sense of almost comically exaggerated cynicism among most people here. The best thing I can liken it to is what you see in movies and read in books about the way people felt in the Soviet Union, that things were crappy and would never really get any better and frankly, this is college, things are supposed to be crazy and fun.

-This complaint does have a culprit- the school administration. From the top down to the average student there just doesn't seem to be much drive. Case in point- our "radio" station doesn't have a transmitter, thus making it an "internet" radio station. All you need to make an internet radio station is a mic and a $300 computer, and Osprey Radio had never had more than 40 some odd listeners at one time. It's fucking pathetic, from my dorm I can listen to Flagler college radio but we don't have one.

-The god-damn parking. To anyone who hasn't been here before I really can't describe it, but the figure going around in the halls was something to the order of 7 parking passes sold for every one physical spot on campus. In the paper(which also blows, by the way), the administration has denied there being a problem at all, chalking things up to people complaining for no reason.

Oh well, I'm trying not to be too cynical, but I don't remember having these bouts of depression at night before I came here.

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Celebration [Aug. 29th, 2005|03:32 pm]
paganzer
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[music |Mastodon - Blood and Thunder]

 

"If you saw Atlas, the giant who holds the world on his shoulders, if you saw that he stood, blood running down his chest, his knees buckling, his arms trembling but still trying to hold the world aloft with the last of his strength, and the greater the effort the heavier the world bore down upon his shoulders--what would you tell him to do?"

"I . . . don't know. What . . . could he do? What would you tell him?"

"To shrug."

 

Celebrating the Ayn Rand Centenary, 1905-2005

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Fairwell! [Aug. 17th, 2005|12:13 am]
paganzer
As I'm writing this, I'll be out of this town forever in about 4 1/2 hours. I just want to say to everyone that reads this(since you're all on my friends list anyway)- THANK YOU. Thanks to everyone for making my middle and high school experience here in Spring Hill, Florida out-fucking-standing. You're all quality people in whom I have nothing but the greatest faith and trust- I've been privileged to know each and every one of you.

I've lost count of how many times people have asked me why I chose the college I did(UNF), since it's so far away. But it being so far away is a huge part of why I chose it. You see, dear friends, this town of ours(despite the constant complaints that there's "nothing to do") is a very comfortable place and it would be far too easy for me to stay here and commute to USF and realize one day that I never broke out of this place, I never saw much outside, I never made my way out into the world. It is in this adventurous and magnanimous spirit that I depart for my new home in Jacksonville with dreams of a new life ahead. After this life of mine it's nothing but dirt and worms for me, so it would be a crime not to give it all I've got.

Best of luck with everything you do ladies and gents, I can only hope that I've had the same impact on you all that you have on me- it's the only way I could possibly repay you. This is only a goodbye of sorts though, if anyone(and I mean anyone) wants to reach me, my cell number is 584-0632 and you can always find me running around on AIM as "timbo1555555". I really do hope to be seeing every last one of you beautiful bastards again very soon and if I don't.....well then have great lives, allow me the honor of living on in your memories for the rest of your days.


Warm Regards and Best Wishes,
-M. Pagano
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Wolfe Pack! [Jan. 7th, 2005|01:23 pm]
paganzer
[mood |chipperchipper]
[music |None, just talking]

I'm in Wolfe's class and just did Eric's questionnare.

1. Say something good that happened to you today: It was an even day.
2. What is your general philosophy of life? Objectivist
3. What is the worst thing you have lived through? Breakup.
4. How old is your inner child? 17.
5. Do you believe in a higher power, and if so, what name do you give it? Metaphysical axioms make any god an impossibility.
6. Are you allergic to anything, and if so, what? Nothing.
7. Write a haiku on the spot (5-7-5): Fuck haikus.
8. Favorite animal? The puffin
9. Favorite LJ community? I hate those things.
10. Coffee, tea, or soda - how do you get your caffiene fix? All 3.
11. Idealist or realist? There is no mind-body dichotomy, so both.
12. Are you lucky or unlucky? Neither
13. How much do you normally tip? 15%
14. Last time you got sick? Years ago
15. Favorite word or phrase to use when cussing someone out? Various Italian-American vernacular.
16. Best movie made before 1970? The Maltese Falcon.
17. After 1970? Too many to list.
18. Within the past five years? See above.
19. What is your quest? Happiness.
20. Favorite TV drama? Law and Order(original).
21. Favorite sitcom? Seinfeld.
22. Favorite reality show? None, they're all godawful.
23. Favorite game show? Jeopardy.
24. Favorite talk show? Larry King Live.
25. A quote that sticks in your head: "God is dead. We have killed him."
26. Favorite toy as a child? Cap gun.
27. Last thing you made with your own hands? Nothing recently.
28. Last fight you got into? Eh, my brother I suppose.
29. Last time you were hospitalized? When I was born.
30. Favorite kind of flower? Tulip.
31. Are you now, or have you ever been, a communist? Yes.
32. Favorite word? Tons of 'em.
33. Last thing you picked up off the ground? Myself.
34. Favorite book as a child? Don't know.
35. Favorite book as a juvenile? Civil War history books.
36. Favorite book as an adult? I'm not yet an adult I suppose.
37. Last time you flipped someone the bird? Amber's birthday thing.
38. Do you have any siblings, and if so, how many? Yes; 1.
39. Make _____, not war: Reason.
40. Favorite singer? Andrea Bocelli.
41. Favorite songwriter? Unsure.
42. Performer? What am I, a fuckin' teenage girl? I don't fuckin' know.
43. Surprise parties – yes, or no? Yes.
44. Where do you get your news from? TV, newspaper, internet(in that order).
45. If you had to challenge someone to a duel of some kind, what your weapon of choice be? Maces.
46. Favorite kind of soup? Chicken noodle.
47. What, if any, parts of your body do you shave, wax, or otherwise remove hair from? None, especially not my stomach.
48. What is happiness to you? The reason for life.
49. Least favorite household chore? Cleaning in general.
50. Favorite thing to do on a cold and rainy night? Fuck.
51. Peter Pan or Captain Hook – who is cooler? Hook.
52. Have you ever written/carved/etc. "I was here" on anything? Yes.
53. Favorite mythology? Norse.
54. Favorite magazine? www.capmag.com
55. Law & Order – original, SVU, or Criminal Intent? Original(with Orbach).
56. Worst pickup line ever used on you? That time that girl never hit on me.
57. Best job you ever had? I've had one job, which must be my best I suppose.
58. What do you know how to fix? Horse races and boxing matches.
59. Favorite place to go in the town you live? Dunkin Donuts.
60. Favorite munchie? Eggrolls.
61. Movie with the best one-liners? No idea.
62. How do you groom your nails – clip, file, paint, chew, etc? Bite.
63. Last pity party you held for yourself? Never.
64. Last post-it note written? A note to my father.
65. If you could go back in time to a specific place and era, when and where would it be? Spring break of 2004.
66. How much money do you have in cash right now? $4.
67. What’s the best joke you know how to tell? Those "knock, knock [insert dead person], blah blah dead.
68. Last gift that you gave someone? Money.
69. [Write your own question here. Now answer it.] What's the meaning of life? My own happiness.
70. Favorite superhero? Aquaman.
71. What songs do you know all the lyrics to by heart? The whole Coheed cd.
72. What did you buy on your last trip to the store? Gas and smokes.
73. Worst habit? Smoking.
74. Last thing you quit? Acting.
75. WB – too cheesy for it’s own good, or just cheesy enough? It fucking sucks ass.
76. Pet peeve? The use of the term "homicide bomber" in place of "suicide bomber".
77. What do you grab to drink when you're hot, sweaty, and thirsty? Water.
78. Do you wear a watch? No.
79. What were you doing before you started taking this survey? Sitting in Gifted Studies, listening to everyone discuss the movie they want to make.
80. What do you wish you were doing instead of taking this survey? Having sex with a beautiful woman.
81. What’s preventing you from doing that? There's a scientific term for it, but most people would call it ugly.
82. What are your plans for the rest of the day? Go home, do something with friends, beat off.
83. Have you ever been arrested? No.
84. Favorite kind of poetry? The kind that rhymes and takes note of rhythm and beat.
85. Favorite kind of music? Post-hardcore.
86. How many different kinds of solitaire do you know how to play? 1.
87. What are you a member of? Humanity.
88. Do you like green eggs and ham? No.
89. Is the glass half-empty, or half-full? Both, either would be correct.
90. Who is the wind beneath your wings? Myself.
91. Favorite John Hughes film? No idea.
92. Would you follow the white rabbit down the hole? Yes.
93. What classes have you failed in your lifetime? Algebra, frehsman year, first semester.
94. Favorite comedian? Dave Attell.
95. Monkeys – funny, yes? No.
96. Favorite Beatles song? They all suck.
97. Walk, bike, ride, or drive? Drive.
98. Do you take vitamins, and if so, which ones? Whatever my dad gives me.
99. Bugs Bunny, or Mickey Mouse? The former.
100. What do you want on your tombstone? My name, a date, and an inspirational quote of some kind.
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Never Forget [Dec. 29th, 2004|08:34 pm]
paganzer
[mood |sadsad]
[music |Senses Fail - Angela Baker and My Obsession]



Jerry Orbach
1935-2004


http://www.cnn.com/2004/SHOWBIZ/TV/12/29/obit.orbach.ap/index.html
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Wha-WHAT?! [Dec. 26th, 2004|11:14 pm]
paganzer
[mood |mellowmellow]
[music |Scary Kids Scaring Kids - Sink and Die]

Humanity has the stars in its future, and that future is too important to be lost under the burden of juvenile folly and ignorant superstition.
-Isaac Asimov

I keep this quote in mind when I talk to Creationists, comes up beautifully in debates.

Just got in today from West Palm Beach, it wasn't bad and it was nice to see the family but I didn't really do anything worth mentioning. Since I was a small child, Christmas has been getting to be a progressively less opulent holiday. I can remember a time(back in Virginia, i believe I was 6 or 7) when I used to count down the days before Christmas with the utmost anticipation, my substantially smaller body holding in a level of energy and feeling of limitless potential that has been unmatched in my life with few exceptions. On regular days I used to pretend it was Christmas just to get myself up earlier when I felt a bit groggy.

This Christmas basically saw the falling apart of the holiday for me, the transformation of a once celebrated holiday to basically an annoyance since I've realized I'm happier when my time doesn't have any pressure on it remains the blank slate I so love. The drive to West Palm was such a pain in the ass it really did take away from any substantial enjoyment I could have gotten from the whole spiel. And since I got my presents several days in advance from my parents there was no momentous, orgasmic Christmas morning climax. I did, however, make out like a bandit in the present department:
-an apple iPod
-an assload of new clothes
-a car
-stereo for aforementioned car
-shoes
-a leather jacket(expensive and badass enough to warrant a seperate mention)
-cash money
-a free Chick-fil-A Secret Agent Cow Calendar(filled with comical pictures of cows doing secret agent things and the most valuable resource of all: big, big savings)
-Return of the Primitive: The Anti-Industrial Revoluion, and Objectivism: The Philosophy of Ayn Rand by Ayn Rand and Leonard Peikoff respectively.

I hope everyone had a merry Christmas. Below is a picture of a member of the heretical Sufi Islamic sect, noted for it's mysticism and belief in personal revelations from god as well as their(and I'm not kidding) mad dancing skillz, used to glorify Allah.

 

 

Oh and congratulations to Victor Yuschenko and his Orange Revolution on his finally being delivered the election in Ukraine.

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Bottled At The Source [Dec. 24th, 2004|06:19 am]
paganzer
[mood |groggygroggy]
[music |Anatomy of a Ghost - Since Yesterday]

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

-Napolean Bonaparte

This is one of the quotes that come to mind for me when people ask why I'm doing something, usually something public and out of character. If I fail, I'll be remembered by many as a fool, an incompetent, but at least I'll be remembered as opposed to forgotten. The more contemplative form of Nike's motto, encouraging consumers to "just do it."

One of the many bad parts about not posting for a long time(aside from the constant bitching from everyone) is the fact that I am left with a seemingly endless amount of ground to cover in my first post, delaying it further and further. It ends up being kind of a Catch-22, I don't post because I have so much stuff I imagine I have to write, I have alot of things to write about because I don't post. So, in any case, apologies.

Since my family has been cast to the winds recently I've gotten my Christmas gifts early from my mother. I now have a leather jacket, innumerable other clothes, and iPOD, and a belly full of fine food. Armed with these, my father and I are going down to West Palm Beach to visit my aunts(the two of them that live there who are my aunts Diane and Patty, my aunt Linda living in California, and my aunt Wendy living in Maine). I like my aunts and all but I don't see them much, that whole wing of my family has been removed from my life for a good while now and it can be a bit awkward sometimes, as nice as they are. How Christmas will go over down there, I'm unsure. In a few hours my father and I will drive down and stay until the 27th.

In other news, I now have a car, a white 1998 Chevy Malibu to be precise. As far as looks go for those of you who haven't seen it, it's the quintessence of the teenage car in every respect, so just imagine that in white.

I feel that I should write more, and I will when I get back from Palm Beach in a few days, but in the mean time I with two things. The first is an article on Christmas that should make alot of sense to all my more level headed readers by Dr. Peikoff and can be read here: http://capmag.com/article.asp?ID=2254

 

 Secondly, I've decided that my favorite Hindu god is Ganesh, the god of general ability and production(basically the capitalist god). He has the head of an elephant, complete with probiscus, as well as four arms. If you'd like to know how to better worship Lord Ganesh(including his birthday, favorite offerings, best day of the week to have a chat, etc.), feel free to go here. Also, he is pictured above.

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Моя День Рождения! [Dec. 13th, 2004|12:55 am]
paganzer
[mood |happyhappy]
[music |U2 - It's a Beautiful Day]

Today, the 13th of December, is the 17th anniversary of my birth.

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